Today, let’s take a break and I’ll share a few favorites in various formats:
Definitions are great jokes. They don’t have to be formal definitions like those written by the delightfully twisted Ambrose Bierce in his Devil’s Dictionary. A humorous definition can be merely an opinion, preferably an outlandish one. Here’s one from my book, Conversations with Larry Xenomorph:
Gold – Nothing should be that expensive per ounce when you can’t put it up your nose.
Not PC Blonde
I was recently reminded by an online friend that even blondes are allowed to like and laugh at ‘dumb blonde’ jokes. She also stated that the American spelling, blonde, should drop the final ‘e’ since this is sexist (“blonde” is the feminine form of the male or neutral “blond”). Frankly, neither my dictionary nor my spelling teachers were PC, and I didn’t know that vowels can be sexist, although I did know that I, O and U can be expensive. Regardless, here’s a favored dumb blonde jokes:
The salesman informs her that the store doesn’t sell to blondes because there’s just too much liability.
After unsuccessfully arguing, the blonde leaves the store in a huff, wholly determined not to be bested by a stupid appliance salesman. She is determined to buy that TV.
Returning home, the blonde changes her clothing, uses a wig to change into a redhead, alters her makeup and dons large sunglasses. Looking in the mirror, she’s convinced that no one would recognize her. She then heads back to the store.
“I want to buy this TV,” she again tells the salesman.
“I told you, madam, we don’t sell to blondes.”
“But, I’m a redhead.”
“No, you’re a blonde.”
“How do you know I’m a blonde?”
“Two reasons,” said the salesman. “One, I recognize your voice, and two, that TV is a microwave oven.”
(Original source unknown)
Our wonderful world is chockfull of wits and wags, and if you hear a great line, tuck it away for future use. It’s polite to credit the original source, but in casual conversation it’s always perfectly acceptable to say, “I can’t remember who said…”
Note also that the classics offer humor that has stood the test of time, such as:
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. – Mark Twain
No one enjoys laughter more than children, and having one or two favorite children’s jokes on hand is good practice since one never knows when an underage, little varmint might appear. Note that an adult sense of humor often fails to recognize a joke that is hilarious to a five year-old. If you don’t have any experience with your own children, a little experimentation with nieces, nephews or neighbors might help.
If hot dogs come from cows, where do chicken dogs come from?
This is perhaps the favorite of adults because most of us know that a good sense of humor is as vital to a relationship as regular bathing.
Women just fail to understand how a man with two kidneys can’t afford to buy them fine jewelry. (Original source unknown)
Pick a few of your own.
If you haven’t picked out a few favorite jokes to share with friends and family, perhaps it’s time to pick a few, or better, write a few. They do come in handy.
Next Up: Write, Edit, Gag