Once again, I have found myself choosing a side on a controversy vital to… Well, I’m not really sure, but vital to something most certainly.
Recently, an online friend, who shall remain female and nameless, commented that:
There’s no excuse for short-shorts.
To my knowledge, no such universal law exists, and this arbitrary stance demands that someone of a different gender pick up the gauntlet. If such radical concepts are allowed to go unchallenged, there is no telling what might be attacked next—bikinis, negligees, or even the beloved T-shirt and cool breezes!
PERHAPS, a true story can add a different, but still entirely valid perspective.
Once upon a time, I was 13. (It’s true.) Walking home from school, carrying an armload of desperately-need-to-study-for-exams books, notebooks and assorted papers, I happen to look across the street and changed my whole perspective on that particular day. Thoughts of tedious study for upcoming exams disappeared in an instant! The world was indeed beautiful.
Walking opposite was a lovely, obviously healthy, and delightfully curvaceous young lady, who was kind enough to sport the then-hot fashion of a tube top and short-shorts. In my mind’s eye, she was the answer to all my hormones, and so captivated my attention that I did not see the HUGE, BRIGHT YELLOW traffic light control box directly ahead.
Yes, I slammed my head into the side of the steel control box.
Yes, it was genuinely excruciating.
Yes, my books, notebooks and papers went flying and blowing into the street.
Yes, the female object of my attention laughed her barely-covered ass off at my faux pas. Although, from her smile, I surmise that she was delighted that her appearance could stop traffic…even if it was only foot traffic.
AND SO, short-shorts may reasonably have age and weight limits in order to comply with current theories on good taste. As a general rule, grandmothers shouldn’t wear spandex or short-shorts, and grandfathers shouldn’t wear socks with sandals or wife-beater T-shirts…but they do anyway. However, this should not be construed as license to claim “There’s no excuse for short-shorts.”
Wherever there are attractive young women and traffic control boxes, short-shorts are a very viable means of introducing young men to the fact that relationships between the sexes are inescapably fraught with joy and pain.